


I'll Tell You I Hate You, But Beg You To Stay

by RougueShadowWolf



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Derek Loves Stiles, Derek is a Failwolf, M/M, Sad Derek, Sad Stiles, Stiles Loves Derek, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-15
Updated: 2013-10-15
Packaged: 2017-12-29 12:45:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1005624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RougueShadowWolf/pseuds/RougueShadowWolf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>So much blood, so much hurt. It was just too much to take, and Derek feared he would never live through it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'll Tell You I Hate You, But Beg You To Stay

**Author's Note:**

> If you are one of those people who are so very uptight about grammar or mistakes in spelling, or if some tidbits are not 100% accurate, then please DO NOT bother reading this fic, because I can guarantee there will. Because I have not beta readers nor do I intend on hunting one down because when I write one thing and it gets rewritten every time. IF I WAS DOING THIS FOR A LIVING, then I would of course take care of every little mistake; but I’m not, I do this because I have fun doing it.   
> And I would appreciate if those neurotic people who feel the need to nitpick on people (who have not declared themselves as great bards), then get another hobby!

Seeing the hurt he'd caused by his coldness and disregard made Derek feel sick, no matter how hard he'd tried to convince himself everything Stiles had said was just a lie a trick he still knew it wasn’t; each word had been nothing but the truth, almost like the last confession of a dying man. Those words, so powerful and meaningful, so frightful for they were the words Derek had so often dreamt about; Derek would dream and fantasies about Stiles confessing his undying love to him, it was always Stiles who made the first move never Derek because of the two of them it was Stiles who possessed the bravest heart.

But the moment the words came out, the confession was made, Derek panicked and pushed the younger man away. Derek could have been kind and truthful, or at least kind in his denial, but instead he was cold and harsh using his knowledge of Stiles’ fears to break his heart, pushing Stiles away. Derek used the insecurities he knew about against the young man he loved, and although Derek could see the breaking point looming in the horizon he did not stop; Derek continued even when the boy begged him not too, he continued even when he saw the break happen, he continued to spew lies and venomous words 

Derek continued until the boy ran out of the loft, tears in his eyes, what pride Stiles had left shatter into a million pieces by the man he loved.  

 

There was a part of Derek that wanted to chase after the boy, a part that wanted to beg Stiles for forgiveness to show Stiles how much he cared and loved him; but Derek couldn’t and wouldn’t, because when Derek loved something nothing good ever came from it, and so Derek stood there and watched as the boy ran out of the loft and listened for the screeching and slamming of the elevator. Derek listened to the roar of the engine as the boy speeded off in his slightly battered-up Jeep. Knowing that the boy had left in such a state hurt almost as badly as losing his family in the fire that left not only Derek broken but also his uncle and both of his sisters.

 

                                                              ~*~

 

Derek bolts out of the loft, heart racing as he tries to get to Beacon Hills Memorial as fast as possible, there are no shoes on his feet the words ringing in his ears like screams from tortured souls, `Stiles. Hospital.´ Isaac had called him of all the people it had been Isaac.

Isaac calling Derek was a bad sign these days, a sing that on its own even without the sound of sobbing and Scott’s terrified screams made it so very clear that all was not well and good. For Isaac to call him something horrible had to be afoot.

Derek can’t breathe  not even as he enters the hospital, not even as he enters the room where the Sheriff is sobbing against Mrs. McCall who is doing the same against the man she has attempted to support but can't through her own grief. How easily the two could be mistaken as man and wife.

Scott is standing in the corner of the room, he appears at first glance like someone who is only just held together by Allison and Isaac, but something tells Derek that is not so.

Lydia is sitting in one of the plastic chairs, wringing her hands while her face is hardened and shows none of the emotions that might flow beneath her pale skin. Any attempts of giving comfort or support from Aiden are cast aside with cold glares.

`What happened? Where is he? ´ Derek asks as he draws closer to the group that is visibly upset. No one says a word. They all just glances over at sheriff and Mrs. McCall. The Sheriff's hands are covered in blood. 

_Stiles’ blood_ , Derek’s mind answers as the smell of the blood reaches him, it is so very familiar to Derek and it sickenss him. The man is covered in Stiles’ blood and if Derek didn’t know any better he would have quickly assumed the Sheriff had done something to Stiles, but Derek knows that the man would rather die than harm his only child.

Derek's heart sinks as the Sheriff withdraws from Mrs. McCall, the front of his shirt has Derek's stomach churning, the shirt Stiles tends to with such care so that the uniform always looks new is now ruined with the barely dried blood that should have been inside of Stiles Stilinski. The sight of the amount of blood that must have escaped his favorit human, the sight of it makes Derek feel weak in the knees.

`What happened.´ Derek demands voice shaking as he is slowly losing his calm and control, he knows the news will be unpleasant and nothing he will try to say or do will soften the coming blow, `What happened to Stiles? ´

It’s Allison who answers his question after all it is but a question. Looking ever so slightly more in control of her emotions than the others, taking a step away from Scott leaving him in the care of Isaac, Allison's voice is as cold as the expression on Lydia Martin’s face. What the young huntress says sucks the air out from Derek’s lungs and squeezes the werewolf’s heart so painfully that he grabs at the surface above the beating organ wishing it to pause to halt to end. 

`His dad found him. The Sheriff wasn’t even supposed to come home.´ Derek knows this, he knows the man's work hours because they allow Derek to keep a closer eye on the sheriff's son, `But he decided to just stop by to make sure Stiles was at home because Stiles wasn’t answering his phone.´ Allison looks over at the Sheriff who looks like he has aged a thousand years, he looks broken and barely breathing, `He found the empty pill bottles on the kitchen table, then he found his son in the shower both wrists cut open.´ 

The image flashes in Derek's mind, and he wants to scream, but he can barely breathe let alone scream. 

`No.´ Derek gasps, eyes wide looking over at the sheriff, the clothes were dry which tells Derek Stiles hadn’t been sitting under the shower. The sheriff looks at Derek like a lost man, he snaps out of his thoughts when Mrs. McCall pulls him back into her arms and guides him over to the chairs at the other end of the room. They both look so much older and broken as they sit down, holding hands so tightly that it has to hurt.

`Where is he?´ Derek asks, trying to find the familiar heartbeat, that beat that has drawn Derek to sit outside Stiles’ bedroom window, to sit there just so he could listen to the beats of his heart. 

But there are so many heartbeats in the building that Derek can’t even pick up a similar one.

`Their working on him,´ Allison says, and the way she says it has Derek feeling sick it’s almost as bad as hearing her say that Stiles was dead, `his heart stopped on the way to the hospital.´ 

_He died? Stiles died?_

`Derek, we have to wait and let them do what they need to do.´ Allison says as Derek makes a move that tells her the werewolf is going to try and find the human boy, she grabs him by the arm eyes imploring him to stay.

_Wait? Am I supposed to just sit here and wait?_

But before he can make a move, a choice of action, the doctor comes with a blank expression on her pale face and walks over to the sheriff who can’t even make a move towards this woman.

Derek hurries over towards the doctor who looks too young; she looks too young to have the knowledge and strength to save _his_ Stiles. She doesn’t even look at Derek. Her attention is placed more on Mrs. McCall than the sheriff telling Scott’s mother not Stiles’ father about the damage the boy had done to himself willingly. The woman sounds more bored than proud of her achievement, when she speaks of Stiles there is a hint of dislike behind her words.

Hope flutters inside of Derek’s chest; he hears the same sound in all but one heart that resides inside the room.

But then young doctor says the words that breaks the Sheriff of Beacon Hills, and has several people sobbing and Derek pulling at his hair while repeating words of denial.

`The prognosis isn’t good, Mr. Stilinski.´ she refers to Stiles as “the patient” telling them how his heart is weak and how it takes them longer and longer to revive “the patient”, she speaks of seizures and brain damage.

`You may see him, if you wish.´ Derek wants to rip the doctor to pieces when he hears the words she speaks, because how can this woman think they wouldn’t want to see Stiles, `This nurse here will show you to the patient.´

The sheriff looks confused as he looks over at Melissa McCall who looks like she is as worst off as the sheriff was. Derek makes a move towards the nurse but is stopped by a firm hand around his wrist, and Scott hissing into his ear, `Where the Hell are you going?´

`I'm going to see Stiles.´ Derek says trying to break free from the hold, unable to understand why Scott is asking such a stupid question.

`No. No you’re not.´ Scott snarls; the sorrow that had been drowning the young Alpha has now been replaced with anger, `You are no one to him, Derek. I’m his best friend, his brother, you are nothing.´ Scott tightens his grip and hisses out, `You’re not even a friend, unlike the rest of us.´

The words hurt like a stab in the heart, no it’s almost as bad as having a bullet laced with wolfs bane stuck inside his body slowly killing him. The words hurt because Derek is someone to Stiles, Derek knows this because of the words Stiles had used only hours ago.

And Stiles is someone to Derek.

`He went to see you, and then he tries to --´ Scott’s claws sink through Derek’s skin, and Derek growls a warning but the hold tightens before Scott continues, `If you had any fucking decency you’d go off and drown yourself in wolfs bane.´

Derek knows he should, but if he did that would leave Stiles alone and he can't do that to him not now.

`What did you do to him? ´ Scott snarls while pushing Derek up against the wall, `You did something, and said something! ´ The young Alpha has his hand up against Derek's throat, squeezing tightly.

The sheriff stares at the two of them, but says nothing.

`Scott!´ Allison shouts as she tries to pull her ex-boyfriend off of Derek, `This is not the time or the place.´ She pushes herself between the two wolves, eyes locked in on Scott’s, `Stiles needs you. The Sheriff needs you. Your mum needs you, Scott.´

The hold on Derek’s throat releases and Scott looks like he is absolutely terrified, not of Derek but the thoughts that torments Scott,  he speaks to Allison with a voice that would fit much better with a little boy than that of a young man, `I can’t lose him, Al. I can’t. I need him. ´

`You won’t. ´ Allison says as cups Scott’s cheek, `This is Stiles we’re talking about. There is no way he will be leaving us.´

Derek isn’t as sure about Allison’s words, and he slides down to sit on the floor as he realizes that of all the times Stiles’ has fought to survive he has done so when not wishing to die, this time the young man had wished for death so why fight it now?

 

**~ * ~**

 

Derek hasn’t moved from the hospital since he’d arrived, he is still barefoot and wearing the clothes he had hastily pulled on before running out of the house to reach the hospital as fast as possible. Derek sits on one of the plastic chairs that make his body ache. Derek hasn’t been allowed into Stiles’ room, not since Scott had told everyone Stiles had gone to see Derek before trying to end his young life. This has left Derek to sit and wait hoping someone anyone, would take pity on him.

`You’re still here, I see.´ Sheriff Stilinski says as he drops down next to Derek. The man looks as good as the undead in one of those shows Stiles liked to watch.

 

`So, I take it you lied to him.´ the man says, eyes closed, resting his head against the wall behind them. Derek stays silent and watches as the father of the young man he loves breathes in and out a few times before continuing to speak, `You love him, don’t you. Or is it just guilt that keeps you here? ´

Derek feels his throat close upon him. Derek wants to tell the Sheriff everything, to tell him how much he loves Stiles and about the lies and the hurtful words that had driven Stiles to the edge, pushed Stiles to take his own precious life.

But the Sheriff isn’t done, not yet.

 

`If you love him, if you really do then you should go to him.´ There is a tightness in the older man’s voice, `Because you really don’t want to live the rest of your life thinking about the one you love dying without you there, without them knowing how much you loved them, because that if anything will haunt you forever, son.´

 

Sheriff Stilinski gets up from where he had been sitting and makes his way down the corridor towards the vending machines. For a moment Derek doesn’t move as he dares not too but then his body takes the choice from him and carries him towards the room where Stiles Stilinski had been staying for nine days and fifteen hours and twenty-three minutes and sixteen seconds, not that Derek had been keeping track.

 

He hadn’t seen the animated young man who had always talked and talked, for what felt like forever. Derek was aware the human was in a coma, but still finding the young man who had made sarcasm into an art-form so unmoving and lifeless had Derek in tears and grasping at the hand that always moved in one way or another; even when sleeping those long fingers would move.

 

`Stiles.´ Derek sobs pressing his lips against the now cold skin, the boy no longer smelled right, the stench of medicine and hospital had soaked into the skin ruining what had been a delicious scent, `Oh, Stiles.´

 

`What did you do?´ Derek sobs against the hand that had not too long ago felt so sure and strong, a single touch from Stiles could calm Derek and gave him faith when it felt lost and gone, but now there was nothing there just skin and bones.

 

`What did you do, Stiles?´ Derek sobs kissing the spot he knows carries the scar of what had nearly taken the boy away from him, he can smell the injury that is covered and hidden from view, `Why did you do this? Why? ´

`Why, Stiles, why?´

 

Derek knows the answers to his questions, but he hates the answers and wishes them to be different as much as he wishes he could turn back the time to the moment Stiles made his confession; if Derek could turn back the time, Derek wouldn’t say a word, just pull the boy into his arms and kiss him in a way that would reveal everything he felt towards Stiles.

 

`I’ll give you everything you want, Stiles, anything. Just open your eyes and smile.´ Derek says, it’s a pleading, `Please, open your eyes and give me one of your clever little smirks that makes you look almost possessed.´

 

`Just talk to me, Stiles. Just say anything. _Anything_.´ Derek  reaches up to run his fingers through the messy hair, he has always wanted to run his fingers through Stiles hair but never dared too, and now Derek wishes he could do it with the young man leaning against his body and relaxing beneath his touch. Derek repeats the word _anything_ a few more times before he can't even whisper the word, because the silence from Stiles hurts so much.

 

`A-a-anything? ´ the voice sounds unfamiliar and familiar all at the same time. It punches  Derek’s heart and he looks over at the young man, who looks like he was still unconscious and Derek’s doubts he’d just heard the word _anything_. But then he sees the mouth move as the boy speaks again, `C-curly.´ Derek squeezes the fragile hand in his, `f-f-fries. G-get them.´

 

`Stiles? ´

 

The amber eyes open for him, and the mouth moves, `N-no. T-the a-a-abominable s-s-snowman.´ The littles smirk flickers before passing.

 

Derek laughs out a quick “thank God” before getting off of the chair he had been occupying and leans in to kiss the boy, putting everything into that first kiss. Derek breaks the kiss much sooner than he would have liked it, because Stiles hasn’t responded in any shape or form.

 

`Stiles? ´

 

Derek stomach drops. Perhaps he’s overstepped the line. Perhaps Stiles had decided Derek wasn’t worth his love.

 

`S-so, that’s a _no_ to the curly-fries, then.´ Stiles says, with a wicked little grin that pulls at Derek’s heartstrings, he leans in to give his boy another kiss.

 

`Why? ´ Derek asks, he senses the hesitation in Stiles who finally answers, their lips are so close that one inch here or there they would be back to kissing.

`C-c-couldn’t bare it, knowing y-y-you hated me.´

 

`I don’t hate you Stiles. I fucking love you.´ Derek says without hesitation or fear.

 

`B-but y-you said, you said you hated me. That I was-´ Stiles starts to speak, but his voice breaks and tears start to run as he remembers all the hateful words Derek had said, words that hurt him so much.

 

`I’ve never hated you. Never. I would never hate you, Stiles.´ Derek says squeezing the hand in his tighter, and `You have no idea, do you? How much I love you.´

 

`Y-you – you love me?´ Stiles asks, the doubt in his voice breaks Derek’s heart and rests his forehead against Stiles’, `I do. I do love you. I love you so much. I’m terrified of the way you make me feel, Stiles.´

 

`That makes two of us.´ Stiles says as he reaches up to guide Derek into a gentle, almost timid kiss.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Just some junk I wrote for a friend, she said no thank you when she read it so here it is for you to read, please be kind.


End file.
